Something to Fight For
by AmzyD
Summary: You close your eyes, inhaling deeply in an attempt to steady your breathing. Clutched in your hands, in a grasp that has made your knuckles white, is quite possibly the result of something which will surely change your life forever. A pregnancy test. L/J OneShot


**A/N: Hello readers! Hope you enjoy this one shot, another longer than usual one from me! **

You are shaking as you slowly lean against the ocean blue tiles of the wall in your bathroom. You close your eyes, inhaling deeply in an attempt to steady your breathing. Clutched in your hands, in a grasp that has made your knuckles white, is quite possibly the result of something which will surely change your life forever.

A pregnancy test.

You inhale and exhale slowly, repeatedly, as if waiting for something to happen; for someone to knock on the window and tell you that this is all wrong, it's a mistake, it was meant for another woman, not for you. But that would be impossible.

It is with steely determination that you pry open your own hands and your stomach clenches painfully as you see the intimidating object in your hand. The result is facing your palm and now all you have to do is turn it over.

Your hands are sweating now and you feel so light that you could be standing on air. You gulp and shiver but quickly decide to get it over with. You turn it over in your clammy hands and as you look at the small screen, your heart stops for a moment.

_Positive._

You're pregnant. There is a _life _forming inside of you, a clump of cells that will gradually form into a fully grown human. It will first grow its limbs and then start to move. The more detailed features will start to form and before you know it, you'll be in hospital with a little child, another life, in your arms.

But right now, you slide down the wall and onto the floor. Your whole being is shaken and you do naught but throw the test at the opposite wall and bury your head between your knees, clutching at your hair.

You're overwhelmed; a few days ago you were in duel with some of the darkest death eaters and now you are cowering in your bathroom, harbouring another life in your body. What sort of life was that for a child? Born into a world of fear and despair! A world that you could now do nothing but stand by and watch, locked in by the need to protect this sacred life.

Tears fall out of your eyes as your mind flashes back to a night almost two months ago; you and James had not seen each other for a week, he had been sent on a mission for the Order, you got a little drunk that evening. You remember your intoxicated, hazy sex; his warm, sweet kisses on your body, your minds liberated for a few moments before you had to embrace the real world again, a moment of pure bliss amidst a chaotic life. You both were so engrossed in your freedom that you forgot to protect yourselves.

Your hand moves slowly, instinctively to your abdomen. Protect yourselves from what? You could not regret it; you could never regret creating another life. The forgotten protection was indeed in place to protect the life that would (and has) become. Protection from a childhood ridden with fear. The war was bad now, and Voldemort's followers increased in numbers every day. Who knows what it would be like in 9 months time? Providing you survive until then.

With shaky legs you finally stand up and make for the bathroom door, hand still on tummy.

It is later that evening when James comes home, a cheerful smile on his face as he greets you with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. You wordlessly embrace his hug, yearning for it to last longer, just to delay your news a little more.

But alas, James moves his warm arms from around you and promptly notes your puffy eyes and tear stricken face, a look of puzzlement on his face.

"What's wrong Lily?" he asks in innocent shock, "Has something happened? Has someone-" He breaks off and makes some strangled hand gesture, his face pale as snow now.

"Nothing like that," you say and his face visibly calms. He takes you by the hand and leads you to the sofa, sitting you down. He sits next you, his hand still entwined with yours.

Tears begin to fall again and as he moves to wipe them from your face, you recoil and stand up abruptly. You slowly walk towards the window and he stays seated on the sofa, most likely shocked.

"You know how we were talking about children, James?" you choke out, not even facing him. Your eyes rest on ground outside, scattered with crispy yellow leaves. Oh how you yearn at that moment, the silliest of yearnings, to be able to walk on those crispy leaves and listen to the satisfying crunch.

But all you hear is silence now. It drags, for about five seconds, before he speaks.

"You're not –you know – that is to say – you're not - ?" he stumbles over his own words as you turn and walk towards him, suddenly feeling an inexplicable anger. The look on your face tells him what you cannot speak out loud.

"But how?" he asks, his mouth opening and closing life a fish.

"Oh, I don't know James!" you spit angrily, "when a man and a lady-"

"Damnit Lily!" he curses, suddenly standing up and towering over you, "You can't be! It has to be a mistake! Are you sure?"

"Do I look stupid to you? Do you think this is _my _fault James?!"

"No, but-"

"Because it takes two to tango, you know!" you shout at him angrily, the most angry you have ever been with him, "It's not my fault," you finish, whispering, defeated.

His breathing is erratic but he is calm as he pulls you into a firm embrace before sitting you both on the sofa. You cry softly into his shoulder for a few minutes as he sits in silence, providing nothing but support.

"I never asked to have a baby this way, James." you say through sobs, burying your head even further into his t-shirt.

"I know, Lils, I know," he says gently, nesting his chin on your head.

"What are we going to do?" you choke out, finally looking up at him.

It is a shock when you do, for when you take in the sight of his face; his eyes are red rimmed, his nose pink, and his face residence to one or two tears.

"I'll tell you what we're going to do," he starts, determined and fierce, "I am going to do my damned best to take down those mugs and make the world a better place for my wife and my child. I will stop at _nothing _to make sure the world is a safer place for you both. It took me five years to get you to go out with me Lils, and I sure as hell aren't going to stop fighting now."

You smile at him, a glimmer of pride at your rightfully Gryffindor husband, but there is a question that's eating away at your mind.

"What about me?" you ask softly, looking into his eyes with sincerity.

"You," he begins, pausing thoughtfully, "you're going to be sick a few times, probably, you're going to get hormonal and you're going to almost certainly hate me at times, you're going to send me to the store for ice cream at two in the morning," he takes a breath, "but at the end of a long day, I'm going to come back to you and you're going to be my motivation; the reason why I'm going to fight."

"So what," you chuckle lightly, "I'm going to be your stay at home wife? There to feed and clothe you when you get home?"

"Don't be silly, you're not getting let off that easy!" he jokes, but then seriously takes your hand in his. "You're still going to help out with Order, we'll tell Dumbledore to give you some behind the scenes work to do, so you don't feel helpless."

You smile contently and lay back into his chest; he knows you well.

So you sit there on the sofa, James takes out his mirror and informs Sirius of the news (which he takes greatly, by the way, cracking Daddy jokes already) and you lean on his chest, relaxed by the grumble of his voice and laughter.

You would never have dreamt of having a baby this young, you wished to be in your late twenties, at least. And it would have been, ideally, after the war had at least eased up a little.

But maybe you needed this. Maybe you all needed this; James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and the rest of your friends. This life that was steadily growing inside of you; a little reminder, a little incentive and as James said, something to fight for.

**End.**

**A/N: Wanted to leave this to the end, but I just want to acknowledge that yeah, this might not sit well with some of you; I've read loads of Jily fics that are like, you know, she finds out, shes ecstatic, she tells James, he's all like: I'M A DADDY!, and thumbs up to them, because I've read quite a few good written ones. But my point is, they were a young couple and they were amidst a war, i'm not trying to say that Harry was a categorical mistake and they regretted it for the rest of their lives, but that they probably didn't plan it happening and were worried about the seriousness and how much more growing up it would take. That's just my thoughts anyway...**

**Hope you enjoyed anyhow, leave us a review on your way out if you can :) cheers! **


End file.
